Still Fighting Illness

This cough has really been dragging me down. I was hoping that once I finished my treatments, I would be gaining my energy back and going forward into my new season. I had to cancel my celebration party due to my cough and chest tightness. I joined the Well Fit program for cancer patients and survivors and hoped to go more often, but I have been ill this week. I went twice and it wore me out.

So basically, I do what I need to do and then I have to go home and rest. I did pick up another client that had started on Thursday evening and ended this morning (Sunday morning). It was pretty easy. I just went to close up the chicken coop when they headed into their house in the evening and then in the morning, I went to let them out. I went in to check on the cats and was just leaving them in and was only required to clean their litter box once on Saturday. I cleaned it daily anyway just because I think it was best to do that. On Friday morning though one of the cats bolted out the door when I went to go into the house. I could not get him to come back in with any amount of bribing. When I would approach him, he ran off never to be seen the rest of the day. He did finally decide to trust me on Saturday evening, and came in and I rewarded him with some tuna. That assignment was taking care of three cats and five chickens. The chickens were great. They would follow me around like I was the mother hen. They were beautiful birds.

I start physical therapy tomorrow for my slipped disk. I hope this thing heals quickly. I must admit though. It isn’t hurting like it did a month ago. I really want to go to the gym to strengthen my core muscles so I can prevent any possibility of surgery.

This week I also got a note from my Oncologist requesting that I get a mammogram to check my other breast to make sure I don’t have anything going on there. Maybe she will give me the ok to remove this medi-port in my chest. It would be nice to get rid of it and not have this ugly bulge on my chest. I think I will wait and have it removed when I have my reconstructive surgery this summer or in the fall. In the mean time I still have to go once a month and have it flushed to keep it patent.

This week was a prayer and fasting week for our church and multiple churches actually. I was not able to participate in the prayer meetings because of my cough and cold, but prayed at home. I missed church twice in a row, but I was not feeling up to going and stayed home resting. I pretty much did nothing but either slept a little or read. I finished two books very quickly. I went to do my dog jobs and would come home and rest. I didn’t have enough energy to do much else.

Tomorrow is a very busy day. Pete said he would help me with our bird client, Tango. They love each other, so that is fine. I go to physical therapy, then go to the gym for the Well Fit program, and then meet up with a client to pick up a key to take care of her dogs this week. A returning client. I love her dogs. They are wonderful. One of them is crazy, but I had crazy dogs when they were alive. Then I run by one client’s house to pick up my check. I will probably be ready to rest. I hope I have the energy tomorrow to do all this, because today I was actually dizzy and felt weak.

I think it will be good to get out of the house regardless. If I am fatigued, I will just rest when I get home.

Wednesday is going to be the busiest day of my week. I have three clients to see with one of them going three times in one day, the Well Fit program, picking up Bert to take care of him for a few days and start an evening class at the church called Financial Peace University. I will be dashing about all over the place. Happy stuff at least.

Trying to get Well Fit

I am getting bad about writing here in my journal. Distracted I suppose. I have a free membership with the Avila Bay Athletic Club for eight weeks through the Cancer Well Fit program. It is such a nice club! I wish I could afford to join it forever. Everything is nice there and the people are incredibly friendly. I meet someone new every time I go.

Our group has a trainer that is helping us get back into shape and focuses on safety. I want to take advantage of the time there as much as I can. Unfortunately, I caught the ugly cold/cough that is going around and I have not been well enough to go to the class. I hope I feel better in a day or two so I can go enjoy the exercise classes and such.

OwwwWhen I had my two falls last month, I gained a slipped disk in my lumbar spine right above the sacrum, so I do have some low back pain that has been aggravating me. Sitting is difficult and standing in one place is painful, but moving around seems to be the best thing. It has finally eased up some, but I really want to strengthen my core muscles so I don’t end up having to have surgery in the future. I saw a sports medicine doctor on Monday, and he of course told me there is arthritis and some degenerative narrowing of the disks from aging and the slipped disk. So there are three things going on there. I will be starting physical therapy next week, and he said if it doesn’t improve with the physical therapy, he will refer me to a radiologist who would give me a cortisone injection which is given with a guided image to miss all the nerves and such. Sounds like fun to me. NOT! Then the last thing would be surgery. Oh boy, more surgery. I really don’t want to go there. I still have my reconstructive surgery that I have to have this summer or in the fall of this year. Haven’t I been though enough without having a back issue? I would appreciate prayer for this.

Anyway, I am ready to get myself into shape again because I know it will help me tremendously. Strengthening the core muscles will help my low back so maybe I won’t need further treatments after physical therapy.

I picked up another pet job where I just go over to the house and let the two little dachshunds outside three times a week. They are very cute and tiny. I sit outside on the patio and let them enjoy the outdoors for a while and then one of the girls decides she is ready for her biscuit and starts barking and runs to the door. Am I being manipulated or what? Ha. I am enjoying them nonetheless. Their names are Niki and Callie. Tomorrow I walk the beloved Bert.

Well Fit

I joined the Well Fit Program that is offered to cancer patients for free membership for 8 weeks! It is held at the Avila Bay Athletic Club and it is very nice. Every time I go, someone wants to meet you and talk. I am going to try to take advantage of the classes and equipment while I can. I am going to try to do a class tomorrow if I get up early enough. Or I could take a later class too, or do the machines.

I would really like to do the aqua aerobic. Very low impact, which would be a good start for me. I did go to the stretch class yesterday and the Well Fit program is every Monday and Wednesday. I am making new friends in the group. It is amazing how many people have cancer and so many different kinds. We are all fighting for better health.

This will be a season of trying to get stronger again. I was really tired even with the little I did in the class. It is a beginning at least.

Tonight on Thursday, I met with my support group friends at the airport restaurant and a new gal joined us. We help each other and tell one another our stories. We try to include information that will help the new person on this difficult journey. Then afterwards we went to our support group and yet another new person in the group joined us. Every time I go to the support group, there are new people coming. Different kinds of cancers, but still there are new diagnoses every month. Sort of overwhelming when you think about it. I don’t know how anyone goes through this with the support of God or the support of other people. This is an event that no one should go through alone. No matter how strong a person you are. It is too daunting.

Anyway, it was a busy week with pet clients and getting the gym into my schedule and such. I did lose a pet client this last weekend. Rather sad. The owners had to put Maggie down because she was paralyzed and stopped eating. It is always difficult losing a pet. I grieved over her as well. She was a part of our lives too in a manner of speaking.

New Beginnings

I really have gotten behind in writing in this blog! We went out of town during New Year’s and that first week, so I didn’t really have access to using the computer that much. Pete took the laptop, but I felt more like just spending the time with family rather than on the computer. I did check my mail just to make sure I wasn’t missing pet care clients, and there were a couple of them I did need to respond to so I still made sure I got the important stuff.

We drove to my twin sister’s in Huntington Beach the day before New Year’s Eve and spent a wonderful time with her family. Dinner was waiting for us, and her son with his family (four children) and Steve’s sister were all there. It was a wonderful time! We had a belated Christmas and it is always amazing how quickly all the children grow. They are always a delight to see. New Years Eve we had a quiet evening with Suzanne and Steve with dinner and a DVD. I am still recovering, so a quiet New Years was in order and very nice indeed.

On New Year’s day, we drove to Phoenix to visit Pete’s mom, Cass; and while we were driving there, our niece Courtney texted us and told us that her brother proposed to his girlfriend at midnight. What a wonderful New Year’s surprise! She took pictures so we got to see those the next day. I had been hoping that Ryan would propose to Bryn because she was a great match for him. Most definitely a keeper. I had been praying for that actually, so it was answered prayer. I am so happy for them.

Baby KennedyOur other niece, Kati was still in the hospital when we got there, and we went to visit her on January 2nd. She had been stuck there for four months because the twins she was carrying were at risk for too early of delivery, so it was bed rest in the hospital for all this time. It was her first pregnancy and with a boy and a girl no less! Very exciting indeed! On Friday even though it was two months early, the doctor decided it was time to do a C-section because the tiny girl, Kennedy, was in some distress and it looked like she was not growing like her brother, Carter. So Friday, January 4th, we got to see the twins at about 2 hours old. Kennedy was 2.10 lbs, and Carter was 4.5 lbs. I was so happy to be able to see them since we do live so far away. They are doing well, and breathing on their own. They do have to stay in NICU and be fed with tube feedings and in the incubators, but they are doing very well regardless being so tiny. Kennedy was actually more active than her big brother. He sleeps more and she was opening her eyes and looking around, and moving more. She is a fighter.

I am considering these two wonderful events as prophetic signs that good and great things are in store for this year. New and fresh things. I know there will be difficulties ahead, but I know there will be great things to come of all of it.

I have been struggling for over a month with low back pain that seemed to start up after I had two falls. I had an x-ray in December to see if anything might have broken, and it showed mild disk narrowing of L4-5, which happens with aging (don’t you just love it?), inflammation/arthritis of the low back, and a slipped disk as well. Degenerative issues with a fall equal OUCH! So I went to my general practitioner which I ended up seeing the Physicians Assistant who was very nice and new to the area. She recommended another doctor in the same group in SLO who is family practice, but specializes also in sports medicine. That way I may get some physical therapy to aid in the process or at least he will know what course to take. I am not too interested in seeing an orthopedic surgeon. I don’t want any more surgeries on my spine thank you very much! I still have my breast reconstruction surgery coming up later this year.

I had wanted to have a big celebration party for the end of my treatments on my birthday on January 12, but because of my back pain I just couldn’t get the house ready in time. I still had Christmas decorations up, and the house was not tidy or clean. So I made it simple and we went out with my wonderful breast support friends to a restaurant here in Los Osos. It was very nice and I just had to do something, but I needed it simple. Then we came to my house and had some cake. I almost like the smaller group because we got to really talk and get to know one another even more. We cannot talk like that with large crowds, and this small circle of friends we can talk about things we can’t talk to other people about. It truly helps to be able to talk about what we are feeling and going through in this season. Even though two of us are done with the cancer treatments, we are still healing and having pains and discomforts that other people wouldn’t even have a clue about in understanding. We still have our reconstruction surgeries coming up, so in reality, we aren’t done yet even though it looks like we are.

Tomorrow I start with the Well Fit program at Avila Bay Club which is free for cancer patients. I hope I can tolerate some good exercises with this low back issue, but I have already alerted the personal trainer about it, so she helps us with our individual issues especially the ones we gained with our treatments and surgeries. I am excited about starting on my path towards good health and building my strength back again. I will have to be careful none-the-less. It looks like a very nice gym and spa. There are so many wonderful things for me to do there while I have this eight week membership. I am going to try to take advantage of all the amenities while I have a membership there for the next eight weeks.

Recovery Time

Even though I am done with my treatments, I am still recovering. I plan on having a celebration party, but it will be in January, and I will do it on my birthday since it is a Saturday and easier to plan. I think I will be more energetic by then, hopefully.

This month I have been finishing up paying off my medical bills and getting my paperwork stuff done before the end of the year to have my medical expenses covered. Next year will be starting over on my deductible and all when I get ready for my reconstruction surgery which won’t be until the middle of next year. My plastic surgeon wants me to recover for six months before we even plan anything.

In the meantime, all the other doctors like my medical oncologist, radiology oncologist, and probably my surgeon want follow up appointments to check me in two to three months. I guess that will be what I have to do for the rest of my life. Once you have cancer, they check you forever. More often at first, and then annually. I have not gotten the clear yet. I don’t know how they determine that part, but I will just go with the flow. I need my reconstruction surgery to feel like I am past all this first, so I have a while yet. This expander does not feel normal, so I am hoping when I finally get my implant, things will feel closer to normal. Maybe there is no normal anymore. It is what it is.

For the last couple weeks I have been struggling with low back pain, and haven’t been able to determine the cause. The doctor had me take a week off from the estrogen suppressant to see if I started feeling better, and also to have an xray to make sure I didn’t break anything when I had my fall. My back was still hurting after a week, so it didn’t seem to make any difference with holding the medication, so I resumed it. My xrays didn’t really show a break, although there are changes. Probably from aging. Ha. Arthritis is present as well which I was aware of. Today, my back is actually just starting to feel better, so I am guessing that I jarred my back with the fall, and it just took this long to recover. I will resume my exercises more slowly, and concentrate on core exercises to strengthen my back and stomach muscles to prevent pain like that again.

Pete and I decided not to go to family at Christmas to allow myself to help more after radiation, and I am sort of glad we didn’t go, because it gave my back time to heal too. I don’t think my low back would have tolerated the drive. I am feeling better now, just a little soreness, so I think when we do go to visit family next week, I will tolerate the drive much better. This is a time of healing for me, and I have to listen to my body.

This week, we had several dog clients and it has actually been fun for me. If I am missing out on seeing my family during the holidays, at least I can have fun to make up for it. The dogs are definitely my therapy, and we spent extra time with our clients to enjoy them and to make them feel happy even though their owners were gone. We were a big hit with our dog clients. I created a fun retirement job and love it immensely.

Post Radiation Week

Wow, a whole week has gone by, and I haven’t blogged. I meant to and time got away from me. I am still recovering. It is amazing how tired radiation makes you. I was wanting to do a celebration party, but I think I will wait until after the New Years. Perhaps more of a good send off for a new year of good health.

My back has been hurting a lot since my fall, but I am not sure if it is from the fall, or if it is from the medication which that is a side effect, or if it is irritation from trying to resume exercising. I went to see the Physician’s Assistant at the oncology office, and I discussed it with him and with all the possible causes of this pain that is not resolving even with using all the known ways to relieve back pain. He ordered an Xray which I did this morning at the San Luis Diagnostic Center, and to stop my estrogen suppressant. He told me that I can continue walking, and try core exercises to strengthen my back. He said that if the exercises hurt, then of course to not do them. I haven’t done them yet today because I had to leave early today for the Xray. He would have rather ordered an MRI because they pictures are better for diagnostic purposes, but with my temporary expander that I have in my chest, I can not have an MRI until it is replace with an implant. It would cause a problem in the machine and I don’t think it would be pleasant.

After my Xray at the diagnostic center, I went for acupuncture which helped a little bit, but not quite enough. I thought about taking something for pain, but I had some business calls and social calls to return and I wanted to be clear minded.

Tonight we are meeting with our dear friend Annemarie at the Madonna Inn this evening to celebrate my final treatments. It is definitely worth a celebration!

We went to one of my support friend’s house last night to celebrate her last radiation treatment too. We are both done with our treatments. It was wonderful to spend time with them. Our group probably stayed the latest, but we so love spending time together.

Tonight is our last bible study for this season, so I don’t want to miss that. We have been doing a study on Hebrews and it has been very good.

My doctor should be getting the results of my Xrays tomorrow, so I hope all is well. One of them will probably be giving me a call with the results. I am guessing that it will be ok, and I hope this isn’t something that I have to live with. None of the relief remedies are working.

This week, I have met with several new clients and have set up some work with them, or just interviewed with them for future work. It was such a pleasure to meet so many dogs. I was in doggie heaven. They took to Pete as well and absolutely loved him. I was a hairy mess by the time we were done for the day, but very happy. I have a fun job now. And it makes clients happy too so they can have their trips and not worry. Tomorrow is a busy day with dogs, so I will be running all day. Friday I meet with two different clients too. This is a busy season and I am glad to have something fun to be busy with.

I will blog again when I hear what my results of my Xray. I am sure it will probably just show arthritis much to my dismay. Ha.

The Last Day of Radiation!

Today, Wednesday, was my very last radiation treatment. Everyone at the office congratulated me and we all hugged. A milestone indeed! I trust that this will be the last treatment for kicking the cancer.

Well, it isn’t exactly the last treatment. I am still on medication which I will be on for the next five years to suppress estrogen in my body. It is still a challenge with the side effects of that medication, but I am hoping that I will get used to it, or my medical oncologist will help me find just the right medication that I can tolerate. So this cancer treatment is a long haul for years, but one day, there will be a treatment that may be better than having to go through all this.

This last weekend I was busy with taking care of cute little Tink and I also picked up a one new day care client, an Aussie puppy (17 months) on Sunday. It was a challenge having the two of them only because the big Aussie puppy, Samantha (Sam), wanted to play vigorously, and tiny Tink (not sure what she is), was not happy with the big dog. She screamed every time Sam lunged at her to play. It was too bad. I couldn’t go to church that morning, but Sue and Steve were still visiting anyway, so we all took care of the dogs. Sam was happy to play in the yard and equipped with several toys, entertained herself with gusto. She was a delight to watch playing. So much personality and very fun. She threw the toys and retrieved them for herself. I loved it. A happy dog. Tink stayed inside and is more of a hanging around the people sort of dog.

This morning I had my port flushed at the cancer center and also got some things straightened out that were confusing. My medical oncologist and my oncology radiologist both ordered diagnostic tests that I was thinking were not quite right with my surgery. I called my plastic surgeon to clarify what tests were appropriate for a mastectomy with a temporary expander in place. The medical oncologist wanted a diagnostic mammogram for my right breast, which I thought was not useful, and might even damage the expander, and my radiologist physician wanted an MRI which was also not appropriate with my expander. There is metal in the expander that would have played havoc in the MRI imaging! So the whole morning I was playing my own advocate in setting things out correctly. What do people do when they don’t have a medical background like myself? When you have a team of doctors taking care of you, they try to be on the same page, but they still all have their own agendas and expertise. It can be confusing and a person can get several different opinions that don’t mix quite right.

Today, when I came home there was a gift next to the front gate next to the garage for me. It was a beautiful Christmas decorative candle with a scripture:
I Timothy 4:7; “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith”. It was a congratulations gift for my last treatment. What a wonderful blessing!

Beautiful Day

Today, Saturday is a beautiful clear day. Perfect for the Los Osos Parade. I don’t think I will be going unless my family wants to go. My twin sister (Suzanne) and my brother-in-law (Steve) are here visiting. They both came yesterday morning. I was surprised that Steve came because he had been ill and they were originally going to come late Thursday night after Sue got off of work, but she said that he wasn’t feeling well. Steve has had the flu for over a month and was still battling it. I told her she could come without him, but she was too tired to drive after work on Thursday night, so she decided to come on Friday morning. I didn’t expect Steve to come, but he ended up feeling better after a good nights sleep.

Wednesday, I was hurting the worst, so I took a muscle relaxant and a pain pill after I got home from radiation, and did pretty much nothing the rest of the day. But I still went to our fellowship/bible study on Wednesday night, because the pain pill took the pain away, but I was groggy headed. I couldn’t contribute much, but I just wanted to be around people, so it was fine. I still enjoyed it very much.

Thursday, I had made an appointment to see my plastic surgeon to just check to make sure I didn’t damage the surgery. I had my friend, Pat drive me just in case my back couldn’t handle the drive or if I was taking pain medicine. I was actually starting to feel better, but I was glad my friend went with me, because we enjoyed each others company.The doctor said everything was ok and I made an appointment with him for in six months for us to discuss my upcoming reconstructive surgery next year. He wants me to recover from the radiation first, and he said he could take out my med-port then as well. He said if I really wanted it out sooner, that I just need to talk to my general surgeon. I am thinking that it might be better to just do it at the same time rather than be hospitalized twice. Even though I will have the ugly bump on my chest for a while. What difference does it make at this point anyway with everything I have been through? I made the trip worth while since I was there and picked up some cosmetics that they sell there that I was out of. I shouldn’t spend the money, but I was out and I do use it daily.

When I got back, I did feel good enough to drive myself to my dog walking job and radiation treatment. I picked up Bert and took him with me for a longer outing. It will be my last day with him for this year since his owner will be done with her classes, so I gave him a treat with a drive and walk. I took him to Cal Poly and Pete and I walked him around campus. We walked by the classrooms to see if we would run into his owner because that is where she works, but she was in the exam. One other staff member recognized Bert and greeted him. The girls at Cal Poly always flock to him. Pete calls him the “Babe Magnet”. Bert is a stunning specimen of a dog indeed!

Pete and I went to our support groups on Thursday evening, and even though I was really hurting, it was a good distraction, and good to be in the group. It really does help to be part of such a tight knit group. We help the one’s who just get diagnosed and talk about struggles and such. Believe me, talking with those who are going through it is better that talking it out with people who have no idea what it is like. It sort of empowers us to go through this together.

Yesterday, on Friday, I picked up a dog client that is staying with me until December 18, so Tink greeted Suzanne and Steve when they arrived. It is nice to have a dog greet you at the door. They liked it very much. Tink is a sweet little thing.

We all went to lunch at the Olive Garden and then took a walk at the park in SLO. Then I went to my radiation while Sue and Steve waited in the car. I told them I would be quick because it is the booster treatment which is very fast. It ended up that they were very behind, so I was waiting for a long time in the waiting room. There was a prisoner from CMC who was having his radiation treatment, and when they come, everything seems to get backed up because there are the guards and the prisoner, and not just the changing of clothes, but the shackles they have to deal with. I remember taking care of patients in the hospital that were from CMC when I was working in nursing at Sierra Vista Hospital, and it was quite the ordeal.

Anyway it set everything off, so my family and Tink were waiting longer than I had thought, but they didn’t mind. Steve took a nap in the car, Sue played some word game on her ipad, and Tink sat on her lap. We communicated by texting, so Sue said the time didn’t matter. No one was on a time schedule except me and this was my only appointment for the day.

Afterwards, we went downtown SLO, and Steve got his favorite cookies from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, and all was well with the world. Tink had an additional walk as well, and that was good.

After we were done with all our running around, we were equally exhausted, I was hurting some with my radiation burn and my muscles from my fall, so we were all ready for a rest. I do notice that if I keep moving more, the pain is less from my fall than if I sit around. The muscles tighten up with sitting, and it makes me move like an old person. I had wanted to go to the SLO parade on Friday evening, but we were done for the day.

A friend brought me some soup for dinner because I had my fall, and it really helped to not have to cook. I am thankful for my friends that are stepping up to help me while I am on this challenging journey. I have been greatly blessed.




A Tumbling Down

Yesterday on Monday, I had a fall right in my own house and it was a very hard fall. Today I am feeling the after effects. I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT! I was eating some of the lamb stew that I made and had some toast in the toaster oven of which I forgot about. It started burning and smoking up the house. I started rushing to get the black toast out of the oven and get it out before the smoke alarm went off, but I was too late. Then I rushed around to open windows and doors and turn the oven fan on. Then I ran to get the regular fan to set it where it would blow on the smoke alarm to make it stop blaring. It is SO LOUD! I grabbed the fan and as I was rushing to the hallway, the cord of the fan was dangling behind and caught in the leg of the computer table, and jerked out of my hand, but the momentum threw me forward and I fell straight forward flat and hard. My wrists are hurting as well as multiple areas of my body such as my neck, back and legs. I hit my chest as well, so I was concerned about my surgery site. I DON’T NEED THIS!

I went to my radiation after that and told the girls about it and they thought my breast had a weakened area on it as well, so they recommended that I go see the plastic surgeon just to have him check it out. So now I have an appointment to see him tomorrow. It is probably fine, but I really did fall hard. Better to be safe than just ignore it. I had my acupuncture appointment afterwards and told the therapist, and he concentrated on the areas where I was aching. It gave me some temporary relief, which I am glad to say.

I was able to attend a Women’s Networking Christmas party in the evening last night and we brought our husbands too. We went last year, and Pete really enjoyed it. It was really fun this year. I sat at my client’s table and most everyone at the table was a dog person. The couple who breed Schipperke dogs and also Corgi puppies. There was even a lady at our table that adopted a Woods Humane dog that I took home for a sleep over, and I had showed it to her. It was love at first sight. She was happy to see me, and she said that “Sage”, her dog’s new name was doing very well and she was happy with her. It is always wonderful to hear happy stories with adopted dogs. I will have to tell Steve at Woods about it. He will be delighted.

Today, my body is complaining terribly from the fall. I took a muscle relaxant and I think I will go rest my back now. I went to my make up radiation appointment for the treatment where the machine malfunctioned. So it was a partial treatment, but making up what I missed at that appointment and completing the series. Tomorrow will be the beginning of my booster treatments with five treatments total. That means my last treatment will be next Wednesday and I will be finished with my radiation treatments. My poor skin is so sensitive and I have an angry area that is quite sore and red. I have been putting aloe vera and the topical steroid lotion on it. Hopefully it will heal quickly when I am done with all these treatments.

I am going to go rest now. I am aching quite a bit, but hope it is very temporary. I don’t need any new events thank you very much!

Getting Ready For Christmas

Saturday, Pete and I got down the Christmas decorations and Pete set up the tree and lights. [Didn’t we just put them away?? -pw]. We didn’t finish because I had a lovely afternoon tea at church and our friend from Israel spoke and we sang Christmas carols, and it was wonderful fun.

I think I may have had too much sweets though, because I ended up with a headache with nausea. It could be the weather too, because I tend to get headaches with the weather change. We need this rain none-the-less.

On Saturday morning, I tried on my dressy clothes to decide what to wear for the Women’s Networking Christmas party on Tuesday evening. I am finally going to do something with networking again after all this. I am quite excited. I wasn’t too happy with the way my clothes were though. Because I still have my medi-port on my chest and the ugly scar, I can not wear necklines that show it because it isn’t very attractive. I feel like I don’t have anything to wear. Even my clothes that had a higher neckline were of knit fabric that you could still see the bump on the chest. I might just have to bear with it, and if people notice it, it is what it is. People need to be aware of cancer, and maybe it is a wake up call to others I suppose. It just doesn’t feel very attractive to expose something like that at a gala activity.

Today, Sunday, I remembered one other dress in the closet, and although it is a black sundress, it is dressy and would meet all my requirements for the Christmas party. I can wear my shawl, and I am set! I am so glad. It would have been fun to get a new updated dress, but I really didn’t want to spend the money right now with Christmas coming and I am still paying off medical bills. I don’t need to spend it one a fancy dress now. Yes!

Today, Pete woke up with a cold, and I was struggling with my headache still, so we both stayed home from church and are laying low. It is raining constantly, so it makes for a quiet restful day at that.

Again, I am happy that I found something that will work for the party on Tuesday evening. Shopping in the closet is a great thing.

I wonder when the doctor is going to take the port out? The surgeon told me that they want me to keep it in just in case for a while. She didn’t give me a time frame, so it is a mystery to me. Even when it comes out when they determine I am “cancer free”, I will still have the scar. What was I thinking when I ok’d it? I guess at the time, I knew I just didn’t want my veins in my arm getting the brunt of the harsh chemotherapy drugs. My veins sometimes can be a challenge, I didn’t want them to collapse and my veins ruined in my arm. Being a nurse in Oncology in the past, I have seen the results and I based my decisions on that. Even now my medi-port gives the nurses a run for their money because it is positional and hard to even draw blood from, so I know it was still a good idea at the time. The other thing is I made the decisions because I wanted to do the best thing to get rid of the cancer. This is my year to get well.