I had written a post a while back and saved the draft, only for the draft to disappear. I got discouraged because I had written a lot and didn’t go back to it. Well, I let a lot of time go by and I am needing to at least write something down.
After the first of the year, I was getting back into my routine and figured I was trying to build up my strength from all that I had been through. I was feeling incredible fatigue and was thinking “surely I wouldn’t feel like this still after this far from surgery!” But then my ENT specialist’s office called and said it was time for my thyroid levels to be checked, and after my labs were done, it was discovered that the level was half of the lowest level from normal. No wonder I felt fatigue!!!! Nothing was going to fix that except a change in my medication. So it was an easy fix and I was so glad for that. Enough of anything wrong, thank you very much!
Anyway I am doing so much better and this summer was actually the busiest I have ever been with my pet service. I am a member of a pet sitter’s networking group and they were all hopping as well. So I didn’t have much time for contemplating what to write on my journey, because I was running the whole time. It is just now slowing down, but I am still busy with my regular walking clients and still several vacationers.
I did go through some depression earlier this summer because it seemed like I kept having all my return visits to all my doctors, and it just felt like I can not get away from this stuff. It is like a reminder of my journey and I just want to be over it. I still have to get infusions every 6 months which is a medication that builds up my bone density because of the oral pill I have to take daily depletes me of my bone density. It is so expensive, that even with health insurance paying their part (80%), my part is still almost $1000 out of pocket. That is every 6 months, so I feel like we can not save any money. I got depressed because I don’t feel like I am “on the other side” as people call it, because I am still having to go to the cancer treatment center and see it all the time. I am still being treated. It feels like I will never be done, and it is a frequent reminder to me.
We had wanted to go to Hawaii for Pete’s nephew’s wedding this September, but couldn’t manage to pull the money together for the trip. I was wanting it to be the vacation for celebration being done with this journey, but I am not done with it because I will be still paying for it for another 10 years! At least that is how long my oncologist wants me on the oral medication to prevent the cancer from coming back. We didn’t want to go into debt, but we still wanted to go on a special vacation. I have always wanted to go to Kauai. We have been to a couple of the other Islands, but not there and that was the one I had always wanted to go to. We searched for the cheapest flights and lodging, but it would have been no less than $4000, and we just couldn’t do it.
So I feel like my life of planning fun vacations is over, or even trying to save money for events is over because I will be paying these exorbitant costs for treatment. I even called the office and asked if I really needed it, and if there was a less expensive treatment, but the doctor had the medical assistant call me and tell me that she felt for my type of cancer I had, it was the best treatment in my case. They did say there are financial aid programs out there and to help, but I am not sure I would qualify. I will have to investigate. They said to call the billing department when my next infusion is due, and they would get the paperwork in motion. I hope there is something that would help off set the expenses. We will see….
So people say to me that is wonderful I am alive and yes, that is so true, but I am watching people go on wonderful vacations and trips and I am just making money to pay for treatments and never feeling like I am getting ahead. Surely there is more to life than just making money to pay the doctor! Anyway, that was why I had been feeling depressed, but I should be grateful. Yes, Praise God! I am alive and He has a better purpose for me. I just got stuck on whoa is me, instead of looking at the bigger picture. I was just very disappointed that we couldn’t take a real vacation. I need to keep my eyes on Christ and trust that this is the path I am on and He has a purpose for this path I am on. All that other stuff is just selfish me stuff and it isn’t important.
We will be taking a vacation in September (which was set aside for the Hawaii trip), and have been invited to visit some friends in Tahoe. They have property there and we would not have to pay for any lodging. They have a cottage/room that we would have to ourselves. There is a lot of hiking and day things that we like doing, so it will be fun to spend it with friends. They love the Lord and are very prophetic, so it could be a better vacation than originally planned. I like that prophetic, god stuff, so bring it on! Or it will at least be the rest that Pete and I need as well.
Anyway, I am well, and I am getting stronger and do have much to be thankful for. I am doing a summer challenge with steps and floor climbing and it is amazing how that is helping me. I get a lot of the steps with the dog walking, but when I don’t meet my goal, it pushes me to do more, so I am noticing how fit it is helping me get. The name of the game is to keep moving!